Personal reflections

This will be my final journal entry for the year 2023. Unlike previous years, I find myself spending the 31st at home alone due to circumstances beyond my control, which cannot be fully explained. This has led me to reflect on the past year. Like many of you, I had high expectations and plans for the year ahead. However, I did not create a vision board, as I discovered that the goals I had set in previous years were left unfulfilled, causing me great distress. Therefore, despite having expectations and plans, I chose not to put them into writing. Looking back, I now realize that this was a defense mechanism, as I feared facing the reality of not achieving the majority of what I had hoped for. In retrospect, I should have documented my vision and placed more trust in God, knowing that in His appointed time, He makes all things beautiful. However, what's done is done, and I cannot change the past. While I wish I could pretend that this has been my best year yet, I cannot. What I can say with confidence is that God has been with me every step of the way. This year has brought me many reality checks, particularly in the areas of friendship and family. I have lost some friends whom I believed would always be by my side, but I have also gained new ones. While they cannot replace those I have lost, I am grateful for their presence in my life, as they have served God's purpose. The dynamics of my family have changed, and I thank God for the strength He has given me. Without the Lord by my side, I do not know how this year would have unfolded. I am not proud of some of the choices I have made this year, but I am grateful for the mercy and grace that have kept me grounded. There have been many moments when I have sat under the shower, allowing my tears to flow freely. There have been days when sadness has overwhelmed me, and my tears have fallen in public. And there have been days when tears refused to come, and I embraced myself tightly, waiting for sleep to take over. I am aware that many others have experienced these various stages in life and continue to do so, even if they cannot openly discuss it. Everyone experiences pain and sheds secret tears. Perhaps, like me, you are not particularly excited about the upcoming new year. I don't know if I am the only one who feels this way, but all I can think about at the moment is "just a different date, same old problems." I acknowledge that this energy or mindset is not conducive to starting a brand new year, but I am tired of pretending and going along with the crowd as if everything is fine within me. I do not seek pity; on the contrary, I seek the tranquility that comes with acknowledging the validity of my emotions. By expressing my feelings, I am opening a new door for the next chapter of my life. As much as I may want to wallow in self-pity, sadness, and depression, I know that is not my destiny. Although I am currently emotionally drained and exhausted, I am certain that this will not dampen my spirit or deter me from the path God has set before me. The greater the battles, the sweeter the victories. So tonight, I will go back to the drawing board and start anew. I will include God in every plan and every expectation, trusting that He will come through. Even if His timing does not align with mine, He is still God, and that will never change. Dear Lord, In the coming year, I pray that you cleanse me, guide me, and direct my steps. Show up in my life with great power and authority, doing what you desire in and through me. When you have finished, receive all the glory. Lead me away from paths that lead to destruction and sin and guide me towards your light. May my light shine so brightly that the world will know and hear your name. Father, I entrust my dreams, plans, and expectations to your will. Remove anything or anyone that would lead me astray from you. I acknowledge that my heart and flesh do not always desire and do what is right. Forgive me for the times I have stumbled and forgotten that I am your child. Surround me with your love and illuminate my life. I recognize that I am nothing without you, and in you, I live, move, and have my being. I cannot achieve anything without your blessings. So, Lord, bless me abundantly, let your favor surround me, and open doors that were closed this year because of your favor upon my life. Father, connect me with those who are destined to help me reach the next level. May anyone and everybody assigned to assist me not rest until our paths have crossed. Stir their hearts towards me and open their eyes to your will. Father, bring into my life a love that is unconditional, pure, divine, and peaceful. May I find a partner whose heart is aligned with yours, one who serves and loves you, so that he can love me as Christ loves the church. Protect and guide him wherever he may be. When our paths meet, grant us clarity and peace, knowing that it is you who has brought us together. Father, bless the work of my hands, and may I flourish in everything I touch. Anoint me so that I may prosper and bless the people you have called me to serve. I know that I have asked for much, but above all, let your will be done. Grant me peace and contentment in your will. Amen!